Two Years Gone

If only I could borrow miss Audrey for one more day, just to snuggle her close. I promise I’d give her right back…well, maybe.
It was on this day, two short but full years ago, that our daughter Audrey spent her last day here on earth with us. What I wouldn’t give for one more day with her. But like Diamond Rio so poignantly says, one more day would only keep me wishing for more. After all, we got 81.
Last week, Cooper asked me if Emma is Audrey.
I’ve thought about that precious question a lot. It’s confusing for him. Who am I kidding, it’s confusing for me. No, Emma is not Audrey. Yes, she is a baby sister. Yes, she sure looks a lot like Audrey. To him, perhaps a subtle nuance at this point. But, they are two different people. Two different stories. Two different purposes. Some day he’ll understand that better.
I had a tender day recently. My whole body hurt for Audrey. I just missed her. I was sad about her and that hole in my heart pulsed painfully. Oddly, it seemed comforting. I was almost relieved that having Emma didn’t cover up that pain. It confirmed there is no replacement for Audrey.
I will be forever grateful that I chose to document our daughter’s life through writing. It became my therapy, a cathartic outlet for me. I may over share at times but never will I regret including the tiniest of details about our daughter we lost too soon. I reread this link today that I wrote about her last day.
It is a bit hard to read but only because it makes me want to jump back in time for the day. I wouldn’t change a thing, I would simply redo it…in slow motion.
Today my throat might have a lump that may not go away, but that’s okay. I’m incredibly proud of her and her story. Here and there, it continues to impact people and as long as I can, I will sing her song.
Audrey, today is for you, as you dance in Heaven with your body perfected. We’ll miss you until the day we get to say hello again.
Hold your littles and not-so-littles a bit tighter today, friends!

5 thoughts on “Two Years Gone

  1. Thank you for touching us all with your gift for writing. Your transparency is beautiful and your words are a balm. I’m hugging my kids right now. 🙂

  2. I’m glad you did this. Not just for us but for you. I’m so glad you have Emma, but I know she doesn’t replace Audrey.

    Sent from my iPhone


  3. Oh how Audrey, changed the world and you, through your wise and faithful words. You continue to be so inspiring, brave and filled with His spirit, as you share your sweet heart and Audrey’s most precious story. Sending you, Chris and Cooper many prayers, hugs and light, today and always. xoxo

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